Struggles.

I am struggling with a lot of things right now. My illness, my weight, my marriage, parenting, housecleaning. Nothing is coming easily. I get so very tired of having to work so hard at everything.

Hell, even blogging this my mind is jumping in, criticizing the language (see that black and white language, all or nothing thinking is unhealthy and wrong).

I hurt. My body hurts. My mind hurts. Thinking hurts. I feel trapped, lonely, desperate, wracked with despair, and broken. I feel weak, ugly, fat, crippled and useless.

Life feels alien, the way walking into a strange church for a wedding in some different religion feels. As if I am a stranger in my own skin. Things taste wrong, sound wrong. Textures feel wrong.

Desperation, despair, desolation, other things that begin with the letter D. And Cake Wrecks. I've been reading the Cake Wrecks website obsessively for a few days now, because it makes me laugh. Really, honestly laugh.